I, like many of you reading this, have been an “undercover lightworker” for most my life. I had always been attracted to metaphysical things. By the time I was 11 I took up studying astrology (like, seriously). And, during the course of my teens and approaching my twenties, I read copious amounts of literature on past lives, other planets, the soul’s journey. My thirst for this kind of stuff was insatiable. My grandparents were Anglicans, and, as a child, I would accompany my grandmother to church when I’d spend time with her during my summer holidays. My mother, though a lover of Anglican hymns, wasn’t generally too fussed about church or religion. She was more interested in how pretty the stained glass in churches looked. I suppose she had her own private spirituality that had more to do with enjoying her garden. My stepdad was an odd mix of venturing to explore more eastern meditative practices while at the same time uncomfortable with anything too “woo- woo.”
Nevertheless, none of the people in my immediate family – as far as I could tell – were interested in exploring the things I found myself deeply attracted to. I would hide all my astrology books and papers – probably also because I am an intensely private Scorpio Sun and Scorpio Mercury (both conjunct Pluto in Scorpio!).
As the lightworker’s journey goes – it happens in waves and stages of unfoldment, understanding and remembrance. I later discovered and came to understand that my tendency to conceal my activities had very much to do with my lifetimes of concealing mystical knowledge and keeping sacred information a secret. Having to go underground. This is a lightworker complex which I have written about here. Many of us carry this around in our frequency, it lies heavy in our akashic inheritance – a throwback to timelines of having been persecuted for the things we knew, or dared to say. So we show up in this timeline with throat chakra issues. With complexes about representing ourselves for who we are. We walk into friendships and relationships, and we find ourselves reverting to the same old m.o. of hiding our true being. We attract friends who overpower us with their energy, who push us more deeply underground – giving us, at the soul level, the energetic invitation to have the strength to come out of our caverns, and to not shrink our power and light to suit these friendships. (Hello there, undercover lightworker, I see you).
So as we begin to spiritually awaken, as we begin to entrain more of our greater being and spiritual essence within our energy fields, (what we signed up to do when we got here), we begin to throw off the mask under which we hide, the false-self veneer. Our inner spirit gives us a wake-up call and signals that we are getting ready to give up old patterning – including our tendency to hide away. (This process is often accompanied by some pretty unconscious behaviour – the false self making its appearance known and felt for one final time).
And out cometh the lightworker from the lightworker closet.
The lightworker emerges from old patterns more conscious of his role. Conscious of the fact that all those metaphysical studies and interests were signals, and primers, to prepare him to jump into a new level of consciousness and assume a new way of being.
What happens when the lightworker awakens and begins to emerge? The lightworker may begin to realize his beliefs and levels of awareness are very different from those around him. As Life may have it, the lightworker is in a family or around people who have zero interest in exploring the vistas of consciousness that fire up the lightworker’s soul. The lightworker is given blank stares, or drawn into contentious debates when he begins to share some of what he believes. Conscious of the chasm between his most deeply held convictions, and the convictions of those around him, the lightworker begins to despair.
WHAT COMING OUT OF THE LIGHTWORKER CLOSET REALLY MEANS (THE NO BULLSHIT VERSION)
Lesson number one for the lightworker emerging from the closet: your happiness is not contingent upon whether others acknowledge your truth. Recognize you are not here on a converting mission. Coming out of the lightworker closet means responding to your awakening, responding to the call of your soul, unwaveringly following your passions and not hiding who you are, while also not waving a flag. It’s a bit of a paradox. But as I heard Elizabeth Gilbert say this week, we’re all adults here, and perfectly capable of holding two ostensibly contrasting ideas in our minds as true.
Coming out of the lightworker closet means embodying the understanding that if you show up every day with the intent of being as clear and as loving as you can, and of being your natural authentic self, your people will find you. Be who you really are – because the world needs you as you and not you-in-hiding, and magnetize the kind of people who can vibe with you – friends, partners, associates, clients. Be who you are, but don’t force yourself on people either. I’ll give you an example. Certain members of my family find my tarot card reading and intuitive activities a little confronting. So that means that I still unabashedly run my intuitive practice, but I’m not likely to fish out my tarot deck, or discuss certain topics in front of them. Make sense? We’re all adults here. I don’t need them to acknowledge, respect or be interested in what lights up my soul.
The more grounded and anchored we are in our expanded awareness, and in our expanded selves, the less we will feel the need to have people be responsive to our beliefs. In fact, I’d say that lightworkers need people who don’t give a crap about their ideas. You know those people who couldn’t give a flying fuck about “consciousness” and “multidimensionality” and “lightwork” and “vibration”? Lightworkers need these people. They are lightworkers’ greatest teachers. Why? Because they teach coming-out lightworkers honour. They teach lightworkers to honour the fact that it is okay for people to believe whatever it is they wish to believe. They teach lightworkers to honour the choices of others – choices that very often act as deeply important evolutionary catalysts in the lightworker’s own life. (Did you have a partner or spouse who couldn’t vibe with your emergent lightworkerness? Try honouring that, baby). They teach lightworkers the deep practice of seeing beyond belief to honour the being-ness of another human. (Therein lies the real lightwork).
Isn’t it funny how very often Life just seems to put lightworkers and spiritual people around other people who couldn’t care less? What beautiful logic and purpose. It’s Life’s way of asking this: how willing are you to stand on your own foundation rather than prop yourself up with approval and validation from others? Are you ready to go into the Big lightworker league?
Coming out of the lightworker closet means unswervingly being who you are whether people give a shit or not. It means having the grace and maturity to be who you are, to stand in your light, while honouring the choices of others to be who they wish to be. Coming out of the lightworker closet means having a healthy, strong sense of spiritual pragmatism and spiritual priority. (Is it more important right now, in this moment, to wave my lightworker flag with language someone finds confronting? Or is it more important to just be here with them?)
Be you, be true. Be graceful, mature, practical and loving. Be the out-of-the-closet lightworker you came here to be.
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